I get it, I really do.  The next steps, the planning, the surveillance appointments that need to be scheduled cannot be avoided forever.  It’s as if He knew I needed a subtle reminder.  It was as if He wanted to catch me off guard such that I would regroup and make the dreaded MRI scheduling phone call that He knows I am avoiding.  It’s as if He knew I went into “writing hiding” and also turned my back sideways to my next steps after I felt good that I had checked at least off one previvor surgery to date…

His message came loud and clear as I had a casual, yet emotionally unexpected conversation with my occupational therapist just yesterday.  She started talking about family and mentioned that she had recently lost her mother at the age of 60 to ovarian cancer.  She goes on to say that she was so thankful they had her mother tested for the BRCA gene just one month before she passed and she was positive for BRCA2 however  both her (my OT) and her sister both tested negative.  I listened intently as she continued to share how terrible and awful it would have been had she tested positive.  She referenced the worry she would have for her own 12 year old daughter having a 50/50 shot of inheriting the gene…that she couldn’t imagine having to make decisions on the various prophylactics surgeries…that she wouldn’t have been able to afford “down time” to recover from surgeries…that she would worry all of the time about her health and her daughters…

Oh boy, do I get it lady.  In that moment, my heart sank and I welled up with tears in my eyes.  She had no idea that not only did I feel sadness for her at the recent passing of her mother, but also so many bottled up emotions came through as she was describing what could have been, had she tested positive.  She had spent a solid 10 minutes describing my world and how thankful she was that she didn’t have to enter into it.  It’s not her fault, she had no idea.  I couldn’t muster up enough courage to tell her that I was indeed a BRCA2 positive gal and that I agree, these decisions are no fun…

My OT is so extremely dedicated to fixing yet another dysfunctional part of me, and I’m so thankful to her for all of her time and efforts. I’m thankful too that she lit the fire that I needed, thankful that He intended she have that conversation with me out of the blue.  After my emotions settled a bit, I felt empowered again to take action, to take the next steps in my (now) surveillance journey.  Hearing another story where the gene won makes me sad and moves me to take the proper steps to ensure I win this battle.

I set my dreaded MRI appointment for August.  I learned late in the game that I need to wait 4-6 months after I was done nursing to get scanned.  They need to make sure that the girls are fully “dried up” and that there are no unnecessary biopsies as a result of an old milk duct hanging out for an extended period of time.  I certainly do not want a phone call requesting a biopsy for any reason…

While I am admittedly not the most patient person in the world, especially when it comes to getting the “all clear” after an hour long MRI photo session of the girls, I am comforted in the technology available to detect early stage breast cancer.  For BRCA readers and others who are curious, an MRI (Breast magnetic resonance imaging (MRI)) is not regularly used for breast cancer screening, but may be important for those at high risk for developing the disease to consider as part of their risk management strategy.  If cancer does find me before I defeat it, my hope is that it would be caught at the earliest possible stage – stage 0 – otherwise known as ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS). DCIS is a noninvasive cancer, which means cancer cells have only been found in ducts of the breast and the cancer has not spread past the layer of tissue where it began.  Click here to read more about who may need an MRI and some drawbacks to keep in mind…

In a little over a month, I will have checked one more scan off of my list.  Too bad this one involves an IV needle and sitting in an enclosed space for some time (if you’re claustrophobic like me, the idea of this is additionally daunting for other reasons!).  I will be happy to put this behind me and give my breast care team a free “show,” hopefully full of images so boring they will put the radiologist to sleep.  For you BRCA gal readers out there, I will later detail that appointment, as I know I had to do a lot of research on what to expect and still am not quite prepared for it all, especially the anxiety that goes along with waiting for results.

In the meantime, I will continue to embrace the knowledge that I have, using it to educate and empower women all over to be proactive with their breast and ovarian health.  I’m loving the rewarding conversations I have and presentations I get to give as an Education Ambassador with Bright Pink.  I will continue to trust in Him and see signs everywhere that I need to stay the course for myself and for my family.

I get it – it’s truly all in His hands anyways.

xox

Carey